Monday, January 11, 2010

Single Moms Raising Boys

I am a single mom raising three boys and this is a topic that I love to delve into. Can a mother teach her son to be a man? Is it possible for you to be mom and dad? How do you handle boys when you aren't familiar with what boys go through or feel?

Well for starters it is my personal belief that a mother cannot teach her son how to be a man. However, what she can do is teach her son all of the values and morals that are necessary for her son to mature into an exceptional man. All children learn by example. So, as moms we have to be cautious of the things that we subject our children to. Even more we have to be cautious of the people that we allow to be around our children as it is essential that they have positive people around them.

Can you be the mom and the dad? It may feel like you are but, I assure you that you are not and simply cannot be both. Moms are just that Moms. We do everything sure ,but you can never take the role as dad because he is his own entity, and your child is aware of that. So, what that means is that you can play ball and take him to games ,but he will always yearn for his dad. While some children can adapt to change there are some who can't. The best thing to do is to just let your child know that you can't be daddy ,but you are doing the best that you can to make sure that he doesn't want or need anything. This no easy feat though. Brace yourself for the positive and negative experiences you may experience with your child. Remember each child handles things differently. Don't make the mistake of comparing your kids. Be flexible as each child has different needs.

How do you handle boys? You take it one step at a time. It will take lots of trial and error. Boys are loud, destructive, and they can be quite sassy. The most effective strategy is to ignore certain behaviors. Fighting is normal as long as no one is getting hurt its safe to just ignore it. Never get involved in kids quarreling, let them work it out. I learned these things through lots of error. I am not telling you anything that I haven't experienced myself. The next thing boys have to be kept busy or they will drive you absolutely nuts.

All I can say for a single mom raising a son is you will fall many times as a parent, dust yourself off and start fresh.

From one single mom to another!

~Miss B

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Should a Committed Man hang w/his Single friends?

So, I've been thinking about this topic for a minute. You know the scenario.... your guy is the only one out of his group of friends that is in a serious relationship , and all of his friends are single and ready to mingle. So, your guy is out on the town with his boys ..... I have a couple of viewpoints on this scenario.

We as women sometimes let our mind play tricks on us . The power of the psyche is serious. You may be sitting around imagining your guy grinding up on a female or vice versa. Or, maybe your envisioning a stripper with her body all over his during a seductive lap dance. But, in all actuality things are not at all what they seem. When men go out together its more about doing the male bonding thing than it is about females. It's much like when you have Girls Night Out are you trolling for a new piece of just simply enjoying your girlfriends? You've got to control your mind not the other way around.

The next thing is TRUST. Why did you enter into a relationship...was it to doubt the man? Why did he agree to the relationship? ( Take notes a man will not do anything he doesn't want to do ) You have been hurt before because you trusted a male. But, guess what ? He wasn't the male that hurt you so don't punish him for someone elses mistakes. You have got to trust that your man has a mind of his own and a very keen sense of right and wrong. So, while his friends may single he KNOWS that he isn't. You've got to trust him to act accordingly. Now, I will say TRUST but don't be Blind. Keep your eyes open for signs that your man may be impressionable.

Misery does love company. Now, some single men aren't happy being single so they really want their Boy back. Recognize that also. In that case , your ,MAN should be able to distinguish that this is not a friend that is concerned about his well being. If this is the case he should be able to feed this particular person with a long handled spoon. Ladies take note here....It is not your job to make him aware. A female can never come in between a man and his friends. You must know your role.

Strip clubs, night clubs,and "mancations" are the female equivalent to the mall, the hair salon, and those lovely cruises that we go on with our besties. All parts that make up the whole must have its own identity. He must be free to hang with his boys just the same as you hang with your girls.
A plus side to the strip club if he goes when he comes home be prepared for some hellified sex.

Communication is key if you feel discomfort let the other party know. Think of some ground rules. For instance, I told my hubby I care not what you do as long as its done before 2:30 a.m.. This is something we both agreed was reasonable. If I go out I adhere to the same rule.

But, a real mind blower is this .....if you are the best you that you can be in the relationship........He's not messing that up for anyone not even the single ready to mingle friend that he has.

~Miss B

Monday, January 4, 2010

New Year, New Changes

This is my universal blog. I blog about anything and everything. So, with that being said this is a topic I've wanted to get into for a really long time.....Friends. Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I find myself constantly analyzing the people that I have given the title friend. Well, most of the time a friend ends up labeled as an associate. The reason being is that these people simply haven't gotten the idea of friendship down. The people I'm referring to you may be very familiar with. They fall into several different categories.....

1. The Well Wisher:
This is the friend that wishes you well in front of your face all the while they are secretly hoping that things fail.

2. The Imposter:
This is the friend that doesn't have his/her own identity. They are an individual yes but they act and think like you. They dress similar to you, they want to know every minute detail of your life, they look for the same type of jobs, friends, and boyfriends like yours.

3. The One Upper:
He/She has to one up everything that you do. They measure their accomplishments by how far they have surpassed yours. No one said competitiveness was a bad thing but, this person wants to show you up every chance that they get.

4. The Hot Mess a.k.a The Free Loader:
This particular friend has no clue about life. He/She doesn't handle their affairs well at all. They always need something basic we aren't talking about an occasional bill paid here. We are talking about the same crap every month. They dont take care of their children, homes, or themselves. Yet, you being a true friend step in and attempt to assist them. But , in return all you get is a slap in the face. This is the worst type of friendship because it drains you. You feel the strain emotionally , financially, and physically.

5. The Whiner:

He/She whines about life and everything in it. They have zero get up and go about themselves. They suffer from the WHY ME syndrome. They talk for hours about their problems and the problems are redundant. They have made little or no effort to assist themselves in making a change so WHAT CAN YOU DO? Nothing except listen.....but after awhile this friend pushes you into a corner where you just tell them you need to stop whining and take action.

While there are plenty more types of toxic friends I could list I won't. I will say that for 2010 I'm erasing and deleting these type of friends from my life. So, if you don't hear from me please don't be puzzled ......You're bad for my health and my New Year.

~ Miss B

Tide Stain Release In Wash booster Liquid

I am becoming totally obsessed with the Orange goodness of Tide Stain Release . Last time it was the pacs which worked wonderfully. This time I'm using the liquid. I purchased a 20 oz bottle (3.97 at Wal-mart) although it comes in a larger size. I will not buy a large size bottle until im sure that the product is well worth it.

I like the nifty little top that comes on the bottle so that you can measure the liquid accurately. This orangey goodness is compatible with standard machines and high efficiency machines(I use a HE washer and dryer). This magnificent liquid works with your laundry detergent to get stains out in the wash. I used it with the Tide Total Care. It works wonders.

My son had a super ring around his white, uniform shirt collar. The shirt had been washed previously and the ring was still there. However, I added some Tide InWash Boost Liquid to the stain and in the wash and wooooohoooo... what do you know....... NO MORE RING AROUND THE COLLAR. So, $3.97 was a small price to pay as opposed to the purchase of a new shirt.

The Stain release can be used on all fabrics and colors of clothing. I'd say venture out to say that Tide should keep up the good work I am very much a fan of Tide. They haven't disappointed me yet.